Steve's Attorney and his Gambling Problem

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed...

... "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Steve. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."
Steve says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Steve removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Steve says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Steve isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Steve removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Steve's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Steve asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Steve stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Steve's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Steve told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20000 that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."

The Big Bang Theory Stars in Chinese Avatar

If  "The Big Bang Theory" main stars or cast list  Johnny Galecki AKA Leonard Hofstadter, Jim Parsons AKA Sheldon Cooper, Kaley Cuoco AKA Penny, Simon Helberg AKA Howard, Kunal Nayyar AKA Rajesh Koothrappali, Melissa Rauch AKA Bernadette Rostenkowski and Mayim Bialik AKA Amy Farrah Fowler get to act in the Chinese version of  "The Big Bang Theory" AKA  "大爆炸理论" this would how they look in Chinese costumes. Enjoy the pictures...

This post is meant to be purely for entertainment, if you find it somehow unethical/abusive kindly leave a comment to remove the funny photos from this post. 

Funny Christmas Song

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
Don't want a doll, no dinky Tinker Toy
I want a hippopotamus to play with and enjoy

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
I don't think Santa Claus will mind, do you?
He won't have to use our dirty chimney flue
Just bring him through the front door,
that's the easy thing to do

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles, no rhinoceroses
I only like hippopotamuses
And hippopotamuses like me too

Mom says the hippo would eat me up, but then
Teacher says a hippo is a Vegeterian

There's lots of room for him in our two-car garage
I'd feed him there and wash him there and give him his massage

I can see me now on Christmas morning,
creeping down the stairs
Oh what joy and what surprise
when I open up my eyes
to see a hippo hero standing there

I want a hippopotamus for Christmas
Only a hippopotamus will do
No crocodiles or rhinoceroseses
I only like hippopotamuseses
And hippopotamuses like me too!

Christmas is all around us, Merry Christmas 

Courtesy of http://www.minibite.com/christmas/hippo.htm

Wall of Bubblegum in California

The wall is not a random collection of gooey gums, some people in San Luis Obispo consider the wall a form of art. One can see an array of shapes, words and designs - there are faces and flowers, fraternity and sorority letters, and "I love SLO" spelled out in different colors and sizes. A closer glance at the gum-infested wall will expose an abundance of objects, such as pennies and dimes, sticking out of the wall as eyes for gum faces.

If you are squeamish and easily disgusted, never walk along Bubblegum Alley and don’t touch the walls because lining the walls on this alley is a thick layer of over-chewed sticky bubble gums. This local tourist landmark is located in downtown San Luis Obispo, California. The wall in question is 15-foot high and stretches for 70-foot along the alley. This dude needs to get a safety mask.

Trying to find the Bubblegum which he contributed to this Bubblegum wall when he was a kid.

According to the San Luis Obispo Chamber of Commerce and Downtown Business Improvement Association, the history of who actually started this gum fiesta is a little sketchy. In any case, by the 1970s Bubblegum Alley was well under way. When shop owners complained that it was "unsanitary and disgusting", the alley underwent a full cleaning. The gum graffiti survived two full cleanings in the '70s, but when, in 1996, the BIA attempted to have another full cleaning, it was not passed.

Interesting and Funny Facts

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) 

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.  (Guys you wanna be pig in your next life right :) )

Cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.  (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.  ( I want quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out ?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.  (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

Funny Questions Funny Things To Enjoy

Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them but if they tell you a wall has

wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

Where is the cat in the catwalk?

Do models walk like cats?

Which idiot put an 's' in the word lisp?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Y2K???? maybe 1 K just wasn't enough.

If you had amnesia and then were cured, would you remember that you forgot?

Why is the word abbreviation so long?

Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Do hyenas laugh even when they are being killed?

Why do we press harder on remote control buttons when we know the battery is dead?

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

When you have your picture taken with Mickey Mouse at Disneyland, does the guy inside the costume smile for the camera?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is winning.

Wonder what would be the speed of lightning if it didn't zigzag?

Why do sky divers wear helmets ?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

How can there be self-help groups?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does it wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go for "get away from it all"?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

How many times do you use a disposable razor?

Why do banks charge you an 'insufficient funds' fee for money they already know you don't have?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the frying pan?

If our knees bent the other way, how would a chair look like?

If you are cross-eyed and dyslexic at the same time, would you see okay?

If you are in a vehicle going at the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

When a crash-test-dummy hits his head, and no engineers record the results, does he make a sound?

When it rains, the sky is completely covered in clouds. How does the rain get through?

Where can you buy those little plastic ends to put on your shoe laces?

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive up ATM?

Why do we tend to raise our shoulders when we're out in the rain? 

Why is it that when You're driving and looking for an address, You turn down the volume of the radio?

Why is it that you see this written on car seat belts:? This seat belt does not offer any protection if it is not buckled up?

Why do they print warning labels telling you not to eat poisonous substances when there isn't a "serving suggestion" on the label?

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

What is the speed of dark?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...

I live on a one-way dead-end street. Makes sense ?

What would happen if there were no hypothetical questions?

If  these funny questions and funny things are not enough for your dose of  humor, kindly enjoy funny quotes here http://itshumour.blogspot.com/2010/06/twenty-hilarious-funny-quotes.html

Funny Cool Merry Christmas Sayings Quotes

Well, Christmas is around the corner and i guess you might like funny cool merry christmas sayings quotes which i have collected here from various sources so you can wish your friends or joke with them.  Merry Christmas !!

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~ Bernard Manning.

How to open the buds of Barbara branch until Christmas, so let the man open up to the next light.

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph. ~ Shirley Temple

A candle can burn once and really take the time to do anything further than this

Need to make Christmas purchases in crowded stores, causing Santa claustrophobia

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids to pay for it.

The goose to the priest: "Father, please tell me the truth, is there a life after Christmas?"

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

The most difficult task of the father for Christmas:
make the children understand that he is Santa Claus, and give the woman realized that he is not.

As God's child in the crib of straw, lay the heaven has kissed the earth.

A comfortable home, a glass of wine, a good roast -. by candlelight in abundance satisfaction
! and a merry Christmas

A kind word costs nothing, and yet it is the most beautiful of all gifts .

People that buys the football tickets for three months in advance and waiting with the Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve.

Christmas time! Who speaks of victory? Is standing on it!

I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to pick it up throughout the year.
(quote from Charles Dickens)

Gift means a different type something you would prefer to retain.

Actually, Christmas is a time of peace and reflection. However, then someone came up with the idea that there must be gifts.

Christmas is a feast of friends. Unfortunately there is far too little laugh.

When Christmas bells are ringing, the devil himself is mild.

We want to wish you a saint festivals of beauty, the fairest, the best of the good!

Be together in peace, to have time for each other, give love and warmth is, each to be light,
tell each other: "It's Christmas"

I wish you a Merry Christmas with snow and starry nights - and instead of a plastic tree real
with red apples in the trees. I wish you a Merry Christmas in native walls, and dry wood to the fire for a cozy warm nest.

'The market was very quiet as most investors did not want to take a significant position before the Christmas holidays.'

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. ~ Frank McKinney Hubbard