Jokes about men and women

I guess you will love to lol on Jokes about men and women listed below ... kindly enjoy the jokes..

Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she
respects him.


There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and
now he is going thru hell.


  A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing : "You can have mine."

  When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

  It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just
watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands
are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.


  A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we
will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't
keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."  

  What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having
trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to
speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did,
but today is the last day."


WOMEN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after
her. When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her. When
she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her. When she is 48 - She
is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.

MEN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.


Marriage Humor In the beginning,
-- God created earth and rested. Then God created men
and rested. Then God created women. Since then, neither God nor men has rested.

Funny Magic Tricks For Kids

Enjoy the funny magic tricks for kids

sex frequency formula

How often the best sex? 

This is probably a lot of people have had questions in mind. The U.S. scholars under the influence of age on sexuality law, summed up a 'sex frequency formula' - the age of first sexual frequency = number * 9. that is their own age, multiplied by ten digit 9, the product of ten digits from a sexual cycle is the last number of days, and was due a bit of sexual frequency.

According to the U.S. Women's Health magazine, this formula applies to adults over the age of 20, such as a 25-year-old man, his (her) sex formula for 2 * 9 = 18,18 and 8 of 10 combination, that is for him (her) sex frequency of eight times within 10 days of life, over a frequency on which too frequently, may cause discomfort.

The sex chart is below, Take a look at the chart and see if it matches with you ?  ...  ;)

 

Lost pet cat found in New York

A pet cat that went missing in Colorado five years ago was found wandering in Manhattan, and will soon be sent on a plane to reunite with its former owners, an animal pound spokesman said on Wednesday.

Workers at the pet shelter traced Willow the cat back to a family in Colorado, thanks to a microchip embedded in the animal's neck that they checked with a scanner, said Richard Gentles, spokesman for Animal Care & Control of New York City.

A concerned citizen found the brown, black and white cat recently prowling the streets on the East Side of Manhattan, and the animal was taken to the shelter.

Animal care workers do not know who was taking care of the cat, but Gentles said one thing is certain - the pet did not travel half-way across the country on its own.

"The cat was in very good condition, clean, a little chunky," Gentles said. "So obviously someone was taking care of her."

Willow belongs to a Colorado family called the Squires, and the animal apparently ran away five years ago during a home renovation project, Gentles said.

The Squires could not be reached for comment late on Wednesday.

Animal Care & Control plans to soon fly the cat back to the Squires, after the animal passes a required screening test for communicable disease and to make sure it is healthy enough to travel, Gentles said.

How i learned to mind my own business

I was walking past the mental hospital
the other day, and all the patients
were shouting, "13....13....13...13."

The fence was too high to see over,
but i saw a little gap in the planks, so i looked
through to see what was going on.

Some stupid idiot poked me in my eye with a sick.
Then they all started shouting, "14...14....14...14."


After this i learned a  lesson to mind my own business and not to sneak around...

A scientific love letter

A scientific love letter for my love at first sight

Longitude-250 22' East
Latitude-80 10'' North
Date 31/12/2011

My dear sweet heart,
                              Darling, i love your vztime kwhere 'v'' is some positive integer and 'z' approaches the
 infinity. Darling the first time we met, you were standing 21feet above me on the balcony.
I don't want to vibrate my heart's feeling to you but i can't control my ruthless mind.Lastly,
 i decide to prove the wave motion of my heart. Honey, the next time we meet we both were standing vertically on a horizontal airplane. You smile as 0.98765 you may calculate the velocity of your smile, where at the time over looking any air resistance.
                             You looked at me at an angle of depression 39059' and the sparkling magic rays of your eyes incident on my eyes at a critical angle,as a result rays became reflected directly to my heart the frictioness smile which you made on me made the increment in the velocity of my heart beat.
                             When i think abot you, my restless mind come in motion and sometimes it gets reflected on
 my heart. when you smiled at me, sound water starts to flow on my mind which makes me dance  in your time. i m like iron and you are my magnet. Darling my love is pure as distilled water, if you have any doubt, you can add silver nitrate solution, the liquid turns into white or copper Sulphate solution which will surely turn blue.Ok bye for now, hoping that echo from your heart will cause vibration in my eardrum.

Love you till the dooms day .....

Most difficult things to do

Some most difficult things to do in the World....

1. You can't count ur hair. 

2. You can't wash ur eyes with soap. 

3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out
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Now, please put your tongue back inside as other people may be watching you with your tongue out ... ;)

Ever wonder what does women do when they go to withdraw cash from ATM