 |
| Ha ha ha ha No one teach you this, its an ART. |
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A pet cat that went missing in Colorado five years ago was found wandering in Manhattan, and will soon be sent on a plane to reunite with its former owners, an animal pound spokesman said on Wednesday.
Workers at the pet shelter traced Willow the cat back to a family in Colorado, thanks to a microchip embedded in the animal's neck that they checked with a scanner, said Richard Gentles, spokesman for Animal Care & Control of New York City.
A concerned citizen found the brown, black and white cat recently prowling the streets on the East Side of Manhattan, and the animal was taken to the shelter.
Animal care workers do not know who was taking care of the cat, but Gentles said one thing is certain - the pet did not travel half-way across the country on its own.
"The cat was in very good condition, clean, a little chunky," Gentles said. "So obviously someone was taking care of her."
Willow belongs to a Colorado family called the Squires, and the animal apparently ran away five years ago during a home renovation project, Gentles said.
The Squires could not be reached for comment late on Wednesday.
Animal Care & Control plans to soon fly the cat back to the Squires, after the animal passes a required screening test for communicable disease and to make sure it is healthy enough to travel, Gentles said.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Ways to Come Home Drunk
Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the
other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I
get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get
undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my
leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes
Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late!
"His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap
her on the *** and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" And she acts like she's
sound asleep! Works Every Time!!!
other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go
home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I
get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage.
Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get
undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my
leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes
Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late!
"His friend looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the
wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the
steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my
shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap
her on the *** and say!, WHO'S HORNY????!!!" And she acts like she's
sound asleep! Works Every Time!!!
Monday, January 23, 2012
A good thing about SOPA
Recent talks on SOPA and humor on it..
Then you might think ..
Well he wouldn't, because they wouldn't sue him.
Different rules for different people
 | |||
| While the Biebs is in jail, I have a chance to win Selena Gomez's heart... |
Well he wouldn't, because they wouldn't sue him.
Different rules for different people
Monday, January 16, 2012
Funny Awesome Answers In IAS Examination
Funny Awesome Answers In IAS (Indian Administrative Services) Examination
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concre...te floor without
cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
(UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three
oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for
IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank
98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)
Interviewer said"I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really
difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"The boy
thought for a while and said,"my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me
this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the
correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said,
"It's the DAY sir!" "How"the interviewer asked.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult
question!"
He was selected for IIM!
Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the
master of presence of mind. This is a famous paper
written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an
eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with
source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the
below answer and topped the exam!
* OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987* *ESSAY QUESTION*
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer (After 7 blank pages, at the end of the
last page…): This is courage.
Hope you liked this
Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concre...te floor without
cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!
(UPSC Topper)
Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23rd Rank Opted for IFS)
Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three
oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands. (Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)
Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. you will never find an elephant with one hand. (UPSC Rank 14 Opted for
IES)
Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank
98)
Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)
Q. What looks like half apple ?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper )
Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.
Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33 Rank)
Interviewer said"I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really
difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"The boy
thought for a while and said,"my choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me
this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the
correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said,
"It's the DAY sir!" "How"the interviewer asked.
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult
question!"
He was selected for IIM!
Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the
master of presence of mind. This is a famous paper
written for an Oxford philosophy exam, normally requiring an
eight page essay answer and expected to be backed up with
source material, quotes and analytical reasoning. This guy wrote the
below answer and topped the exam!
* OXFORD EXAMINATION BOARD 1987* *ESSAY QUESTION*
Question: What is courage? (50 Marks)
Answer (After 7 blank pages, at the end of the
last page…): This is courage.
Hope you liked this
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Top Ten Redneck Humor
I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb Rednecks are. I challenge any so-called smart, worldly wise people to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state of Oklahoma vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawed pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns an Oklahoma house and 3.7 acres of land in a holler in Atoka County with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope in Muskogee County on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine in McAlester operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take Wilburton, a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate, to breed a country-western singer?
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane (B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state of Oklahoma vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawed pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns an Oklahoma house and 3.7 acres of land in a holler in Atoka County with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope in Muskogee County on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
9. A coal mine in McAlester operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift?
10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take Wilburton, a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate, to breed a country-western singer?
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Jokes about men and women
I guess you will love to lol on Jokes about men and women listed below ... kindly enjoy the jokes..
Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she
respects him.
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and
now he is going thru hell.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing : "You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just
watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands
are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we
will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't
keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."
What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having
trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to
speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did,
but today is the last day."
WOMEN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after
her. When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her. When
she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her. When she is 48 - She
is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.
MEN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.
Marriage Humor In the beginning,
-- God created earth and rested. Then God created men
and rested. Then God created women. Since then, neither God nor men has rested.
Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she
expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she
respects him.
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved
her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and
now he is going thru hell.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife
wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the
same thing : "You can have mine."
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just
watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands
are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The
letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we
will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't
keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."
What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having
trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to
speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did,
but today is the last day."
WOMEN
When she is 18 - She is a football, 22 men going after
her. When she is 28 - She is a hockey ball, 8 men going after her. When
she is 38 - She is a golf ball, 1 man hitting on her. When she is 48 - She
is a pingpong ball, 2 men pushing to each other.
MEN
At 20 - A man is like a coconut, so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian, dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a watermelon, big, round and juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange, the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin, dried out, wrinkles and cheap.
Marriage Humor In the beginning,
-- God created earth and rested. Then God created men
and rested. Then God created women. Since then, neither God nor men has rested.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
sex frequency formula
How often the best sex? 
This is probably a lot of people have had questions in mind. The U.S. scholars under the influence of age on sexuality law, summed up a 'sex frequency formula' - the age of first sexual frequency = number * 9. that is their own age, multiplied by ten digit 9, the product of ten digits from a sexual cycle is the last number of days, and was due a bit of sexual frequency.
According to the U.S. Women's Health magazine, this formula applies to adults over the age of 20, such as a 25-year-old man, his (her) sex formula for 2 * 9 = 18,18 and 8 of 10 combination, that is for him (her) sex frequency of eight times within 10 days of life, over a frequency on which too frequently, may cause discomfort.
According to the U.S. Women's Health magazine, this formula applies to adults over the age of 20, such as a 25-year-old man, his (her) sex formula for 2 * 9 = 18,18 and 8 of 10 combination, that is for him (her) sex frequency of eight times within 10 days of life, over a frequency on which too frequently, may cause discomfort.
The sex chart is below, Take a look at the chart and see if it matches with you ? ... ;)
Friday, January 6, 2012
Lost pet cat found in New York
A pet cat that went missing in Colorado five years ago was found wandering in Manhattan, and will soon be sent on a plane to reunite with its former owners, an animal pound spokesman said on Wednesday.
Workers at the pet shelter traced Willow the cat back to a family in Colorado, thanks to a microchip embedded in the animal's neck that they checked with a scanner, said Richard Gentles, spokesman for Animal Care & Control of New York City.
A concerned citizen found the brown, black and white cat recently prowling the streets on the East Side of Manhattan, and the animal was taken to the shelter.
Animal care workers do not know who was taking care of the cat, but Gentles said one thing is certain - the pet did not travel half-way across the country on its own.
"The cat was in very good condition, clean, a little chunky," Gentles said. "So obviously someone was taking care of her."
Willow belongs to a Colorado family called the Squires, and the animal apparently ran away five years ago during a home renovation project, Gentles said.
The Squires could not be reached for comment late on Wednesday.
Animal Care & Control plans to soon fly the cat back to the Squires, after the animal passes a required screening test for communicable disease and to make sure it is healthy enough to travel, Gentles said.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
How i learned to mind my own business
I was walking past the mental hospital
the other day, and all the patients
were shouting, "13....13....13...13."
The fence was too high to see over,
but i saw a little gap in the planks, so i looked
through to see what was going on.
Some stupid idiot poked me in my eye with a sick.
Then they all started shouting, "14...14....14...14."
After this i learned a lesson to mind my own business and not to sneak around...
the other day, and all the patients
were shouting, "13....13....13...13."
The fence was too high to see over,
but i saw a little gap in the planks, so i looked
through to see what was going on.
Some stupid idiot poked me in my eye with a sick.
Then they all started shouting, "14...14....14...14."
After this i learned a lesson to mind my own business and not to sneak around...
Monday, January 2, 2012
A scientific love letter
A scientific love letter for my love at first sight
Longitude-250 22' East
Latitude-80 10'' North
Date 31/12/2011
My dear sweet heart,
Darling, i love your vztime kwhere 'v'' is some positive integer and 'z' approaches the
infinity. Darling the first time we met, you were standing 21feet above me on the balcony.
I don't want to vibrate my heart's feeling to you but i can't control my ruthless mind.Lastly,
i decide to prove the wave motion of my heart. Honey, the next time we meet we both were standing vertically on a horizontal airplane. You smile as 0.98765 you may calculate the velocity of your smile, where at the time over looking any air resistance.
You looked at me at an angle of depression 39059' and the sparkling magic rays of your eyes incident on my eyes at a critical angle,as a result rays became reflected directly to my heart the frictioness smile which you made on me made the increment in the velocity of my heart beat.
When i think abot you, my restless mind come in motion and sometimes it gets reflected on
my heart. when you smiled at me, sound water starts to flow on my mind which makes me dance in your time. i m like iron and you are my magnet. Darling my love is pure as distilled water, if you have any doubt, you can add silver nitrate solution, the liquid turns into white or copper Sulphate solution which will surely turn blue.Ok bye for now, hoping that echo from your heart will cause vibration in my eardrum.
Love you till the dooms day .....
Longitude-250 22' East
Latitude-80 10'' North
Date 31/12/2011
My dear sweet heart,
Darling, i love your vztime kwhere 'v'' is some positive integer and 'z' approaches the
infinity. Darling the first time we met, you were standing 21feet above me on the balcony.
I don't want to vibrate my heart's feeling to you but i can't control my ruthless mind.Lastly,
i decide to prove the wave motion of my heart. Honey, the next time we meet we both were standing vertically on a horizontal airplane. You smile as 0.98765 you may calculate the velocity of your smile, where at the time over looking any air resistance.
You looked at me at an angle of depression 39059' and the sparkling magic rays of your eyes incident on my eyes at a critical angle,as a result rays became reflected directly to my heart the frictioness smile which you made on me made the increment in the velocity of my heart beat.
When i think abot you, my restless mind come in motion and sometimes it gets reflected on
my heart. when you smiled at me, sound water starts to flow on my mind which makes me dance in your time. i m like iron and you are my magnet. Darling my love is pure as distilled water, if you have any doubt, you can add silver nitrate solution, the liquid turns into white or copper Sulphate solution which will surely turn blue.Ok bye for now, hoping that echo from your heart will cause vibration in my eardrum.
Love you till the dooms day .....
Most difficult things to do
Some most difficult things to do in the World....
1. You can't count ur hair.
2. You can't wash ur eyes with soap.
3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out
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1. You can't count ur hair.
2. You can't wash ur eyes with soap.
3. You can't breathe when your tongue is out
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Now, please put your tongue back inside as other people may be watching you with your tongue out ... ;)
Ever wonder what does women do when they go to withdraw cash from ATM
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