Funny Lawyer and Attorney Jokes

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to
him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that's when I shot
the son of a bitch!



Attorney to Witness: "Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?”
Witness: “Oh, I do.”
Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?”
Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.”
Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you
have?”

The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”
The foreman answered, “Insanity.”
The D.A. said, “All twelve of you???”

A lawyer died and arrived at the gates of paradise. In his confusion, there are thousands of
the person before him in line to see St.Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk in
door and down the long line in which a lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer's hands and guided it up
the front line, and a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said: "I
mind all this attention, but why am I so special? "
St Peter replied, "Well, I added all the time in which you billed your clients, and
By my calculations, you should be about 193 years! "